What's awesome?

Beside the veggie garden, there are heaps of awesome things happening. Just being able to put heaps in every other sentence again is pretty cool. Back down under. Meeting friends, getting to know new friends. Sun, also after 4 pm. Not being stuck in an office to 4 anyway. School. Learning shit. Shit being interesting. Vanilla candles from IKEA. IKEA. Quilt with actual feathers in it, making this lovely sweet noise when you role around in the morning. Morning rituals. At the moment, after rolling around making conversation with my quilt in my new second hand bed, it is coffee, computer, breakfast, mad men 4, magazines, school journal, making notes and then a bit of stretching. Awesome is knitting a yellow scarf while browsing ideas. Awesome is my new orange lipstick, my new Acne boots and receiving a box of Osho books, Tarots and drum music from India. Awesome is what you make around yourself. It is up to you. Home, love and freedom is in you. You let it out, let it move, let it sing and most of all, let it dance. Awesome is there, you feel it, you make it. And how awesome isn’t putting a soundtrack on it all? PJ Harvey’s latest, Zero 7 is making tram riding mysterious, Lykke Li makes me want to kick ass and latest Bonobo seduces me into the most peaceful and colourful forest. That’s pretty awesome..

The thing I learned today, and will remember

Put bay leafs open in your pantry. The Turkish leafs looks like a random little leaf from any garden bush, which it could be if you plant it there. You can put bay leafs in such as your tea, soups, stews, lasagnas and rice to flavour it. Love it! The reason to put it open in your pantry though is to keep the moths away, and it really does according to Frankie, that's a magazin. So this is what I learned, and will remember from today. If you got moths flying uninvited around and you don’t want to touch these not so fortunate as butterflies creatures, because if you do, they die and you’re ending up with dust on your hands, you reach for the bay leaves.

What I love, is that the house I've just moved into already got some dry bay leafs in a jar. Even more exciting is the fact that I can use them whenever I want. The house is a little commune, we travel far to get real good and cheap fruits and veggies. Cooking for each other, making pots of tea every day, going all Turkish just now with Turkish apple tea, and did I mention the veggie patch outside? We'r growing all sorts of tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce, basil, eggplants and three different sorts of chilli! Taking me back to Tuscany, taking me back to nature.

Expect nothing

What has happened? What have I learned? It is more about what have I felt. Understood and also remembered. I’m not writing this for you. I’m not writing this for me. I don’t have any expectations of this text, nor this blog. I don’t have any expectations of you reading it, understanding, accepting it or even liking it. I don’t expect anything from you, then you can read in peace.

So don’t expect anything from me.

This is life. In me, really deep in me, two fingers below my navel point, I feel life. Something undying is living in there. Wanting to be free, to be remembered and accepted. In Zen it’s called the Hara, Osho calls it your Buddha nature.

Osho’s presence, even though he left the body 21 years ago, leads me to go inside. I will not find answers outside. I can never become because I already am. What you are, everything, your dreams, strengths, weaknesses, skills, your love, sadness, hate and compassion, it is all inside of you. It is your identity. The personality is different, this you find outside of your body. You take on layers and layers of protection, of unnatural expectations, of fear, of joy, of guided pleasures and guided guilt. Your personality is conditioned. It is unreal. It is a safety net, and I know, it feels good to choose to be. You think, “this is me”. How you want to be. How you became, after all these years.

Lets try something different. Go inside. Really look.

Close your eyes. Take a deep breath and sink into your body.

Let the body remember who you are. Let yourself feel.

How does your shoulders feel today?

How does your legs want to move?

How is the heart? How is your belly?

Can you feel your solar plexus? Your strength and identity pushing out?

Which sadness’s are lying underneath your heart? Which guilty joys?

What memories are popping up in your mind?

What are your needs? Can you reach them? Allow yourself to feel them? Or do they get stuck in your throat?

The throat holds many secrets. It has swallowed an ocean of needs, thoughts and reactions. This energy field, also called the fifth chakra is the energy of creativity. Expression is exposing. Exposing is also an opening. It is for you. Nobody else. Let it flow out, and trust the energy, which will fill the empty space inside with laughter and joy.

From inside out I am and will be. It is a transformation. The body will guide me. Time will show. Now, it is just now. And I will have breakfast.

Here I am

One month with Osho is like a lifetime of experiences. It brings me inside. Osho gave us meditation and therapy. Embracing this gift, challenging myself to open it up and dare to use it, is the greatest thing I've ever experienced.